What the Sorting Hat Said
by Bittersweet x
Summary: Exactly what did that faithful old Sorting Hat say to everyone? *Complete.*
1. Albus Dumbledore

_What the Sorting Hat Said_

A/N: Yes there's probably been millions. But why not another one? Exactly what did the faithful old Sorting Hat say to Voldemort, to Hermione, to Ron, and to so many others? A short series of one-shots, dwindling through the ages. I twiddled some of the ages, and I don't know when one of the Dumbledores killed Ariana, but I decided to make it when Albus was ten, so there. Enjoyy the story! (Sorting Hat's thoughts are _italicized, _narration is normal, and people's thoughts are **bold.**)_ I do not own Harry Potter! _I don't know how often I'll update; but if I get reviews..

*

Albus Dumbledore

The Sorting Hat was tired. A rare thing, since it hardly had brains. But yes, it was tired.

_People these days, _he silently fumed. _Back in the day, when I could just sit happily on Gryffindor's head, enjoying my life..oh yes, those were the days. And now! People who are cunning, and brave, and power-thirsty, not to mention loyal, and smart, and some people who just aren't anything at all! Goodness, they should have made an Oddball House..make my life hundreds of times easier..half of Hogwarts would be in it._

"Dumbledore, Albus!"

**Excuse me**, came a little voice, a polite voice even in his thoughts, and the Sorting Hat realized he'd been placed on a head. He sighed slightly, then began listening to this boy's thoughts.

_Who're you? Never met a boy like you.._

**So sorry, Mr. Hat..I just want to be in something good, you see. Right now, I'm trying to muster up every ounce of bravery, smartness, cunning, and loyalty. Especially loyalty. You have to be loyal to get into Gryffindor, right? And Hufflepuff too. Oh, but I don't think I'd like Hufflepuff very much. Oh..I just want to be in something good.**

_In their own way, all the houses are good, boy. I see now..you are loyal. Very, very loyal._

**Really!!?? Thank you, Mr. Hat, oh, thank you. Mr. Hat, may I ask you a question?  
**_Stop calling me Mr. Hat, and yes, go on.._

**Okay, Mister—okay. Was there really ever a good Slytherin?**

A chuckle entered Albus's mind. _Funny you ask, boy...I'm not quite sure, as I cannot really see what goes on out of this great old Hall. But from what I hear from the teachers, there are several. It depends, sir Dumbledore, what good _is.._have we not all wondered?_

**Good is..good is good. Murdering someone—that's not good.**

_Did you ever murder anyone?_

**Oh, that question has forever haunted me..I always thought I might have. My dear sister, Ariana Dumbledore..oh, I can't tell you.**

_Don't worry, I already know. I can read your mind, you know._

**So..am I bad?**

_That is a question you must find out for yourself. Back to this house-matter. You want power, Albus..I can see you want power._

**Oh no...**

_But! But you are also loyal..you are also fair...you are something of a genius...and you are brave. In all my days, and let us keep this between us, I have never read the mind of such a different boy._

**So what am I? Will I have to—will I have to go home?**

_My boy, if I could send children home, half of Hogwarts would be on the train. No..you are brave, noble, chivalrous. You remind me so of my old master.._

**Who?**

___My old master...Godric Gryffindor. And in that case, you better be.._

"GRYFFINDOR!"


	2. Minerva McGonagall

Minerva McGonagall

The Sorting Hat had not felt more relaxed since he rested on Gryffindor's head. He was wide awake. This generation was the easiest he'd seen in centuries. Everyone was easy; they were either smart or stupid; brave or cowardly; cunning or fair; loyal or traitorous; noble or evil. No one was smart, brave, cunning, fair, and loyal, with a dash of nobleness and a sprinkling of evil. Everyone was plain. It had been a great day.

"McGonagall, Minerva!"

A tall, thin, already stern looking eleven year old witch in plain black robes and an extremely pointy hat marched up to the Hat, who felt slightly scared. Never had he seen such an prideful, confident young woman. He had an odd feeling, in the corner of his velvety fabric, that this would be an exception to the easy people of this generation.

**Hello, hat.**

_Hello, young lady. Now look here, I'm used to easy people today, so if you have a particular house you'd like to be in, just name it._

**Oh no, I couldn't. You have to sort me. You're the **_**Sorting **_**Hat.**

_You seem very bossy and straightforward._

**You could say that.**

_But you are also smart, I can tell that, oh yes. Ravenclaw would be good for you._

**Yes, perhaps. I am told of my cleverness.**

_Hahaaaho! Tsk tsk tsk, something of a braggart? Perhaps Slytherin would fit._

**Maybe..**

_I heard the doubt. Hufflepuff?_

**Uhm..no thank you, hat.**

_All right, you're brave and chivalrous and noble _and _loyal and kind, so if not Hufflepuff, better be.._

"GRYFFINDOR!"

**A/N: **Like? Hate? Please review! :)


	3. Tom Riddle

Tom Marvelo Riddle

_(_aka Voldemort)

"Riddle, Marvelo, Tom!"

The young woman who the Sorting Hat had sorted so long ago, Minerva McGonagall, ushered Tom Riddle up the aisle. The Hat felt sudden fear. Just by looking at him, he could tell the boy was pure evil, nothing but evil, not a dot of nobleness.

As he felt the edges of his hair, he knew where he belonged. As he lowered him onto his head, he began to have second thoughts.

_I have never seen such a dark, evil mind. Perhaps Gryffindor or Hufflepuff will tame you.._

**I heard Gryffindor is for the real good kids, and Hufflepuff is for the dummies. Slytherin is where the powerful go. I want to be there.**

_But you have a twisted mind, young boy._

**WHAT? I DO NOT.**

_You do, now shut up, I'm trying to think._

**Lallallallaaaa..**

_Boy, another thought and I'm announcing that you do not belong in Hogwarts and will have to get on the train._

**You can do that?**

_If I really have to._

**Okaay..**

_You are cruel, boy. No, hush. You are immensely cruel. Am I correct in saying you enjoy torturing young animals? Of course I am. You lead people into horrible traps. You are cunning and power-hungry, albeit smart and brave. No, but the only place for you is.._

"SLYTHERIN!"


	4. Draco Malfoy

Draco Malfoy

"_Malfoy, Draco!"_

A Malfoy. This was an obvious one. All the Malfoys were cruel. He didn't bother even trying to listen to this guy. He obviously wanted Slytherin. He could tell.

As he was lowered onto Draco's head, he glimpsed his hair.

That was definitely Slytherin hair.

"SLYTHERIN!" he screamed.

**A/N: **Yeah, I know it's really really dumb. To make up for it, I am now putting up two chapters with it. :)


	5. Sirius Black

Sirius Black

"Black, Sirius!"

The first person of the day. A Black. Every Black the Hat had ever met had been in Slytherin. But this one..this one looked..different.

The Blacks always seemed to be short, fat, and sneering. But the Hat had been watching this Black with interest, since he'd come into the hall. He was tall and thin. His hat was askew and his hair was shown to be long and mangy and black as ink. He was with another tall, thin boy, with black hair that could only be described as _pointy _(it was spilling out of his hat) and round glasses. Both were quite handsome, and nearly every girl in the Hall was staring at them. The pointy-haired one was staring at a young girl with flowing red hair. Up till a few moments ago, Black was looking at every girl within a twelve-foot radius. However, as McGonagall called his name, his shoulders dropped and his face became ashen. He tried to strut slowly and hurry up at the same time, resulting in tripping over his shoes and flushing a dark red as laughter rippled across the Hall. The Hat observed that laughter came rather loudly from the Slytherin area, where young Bellatrix Black sat, a sneer on her face. She, like her cousin, was tall and thin, but a definite Slytherin.

After dusting himself off, Sirius walked normally and slid the Hat over his eyes.

_Hello, young man. A Black. I suppose you'd like to be in Slytherin?_

**I hate everyone in that stupid place. Do NOT put me there.**

_Tsk tsk tsk—surely you do not hate your family._

**I do. I really do.**

_You appear to be very strong. From what I can see in your mind, you are carrying the sorting of strength that can only be gained by reckless hate._

**Got that right. I hate my family and they hate me.**

_Certainly not._

**Certainly, right. Ten times a day, my dear mother compares me to my cousin and my brother, and forty times a day, she threatens to disown me. But I don't care.**

_Yes you do._

**No I don't.**

_Yes you do. You can hide everything from everyone, but never try to hide your feelings from a Hat._

**I do NOT care.**

_Then how come you look so scared?_

** …**

_…_

**…**

_…_

**I hate you.**

_Don't worry about it. At least fourteen people a year say they hate me._

**Not as much as I do.**

_I agree you have much to hate. You say—think—that your family enjoys __comparing you to others?_

**I'm telling you, I don't care.**

_Remember. You can't lie to a Hat._

**Okay maybe I do care half an inch. But no one knows, which really means that I _don't _care.**

_That makes no sense._

**I don't care.**

_You know what you are? A rebel. You're a brave, loyal rebel. You're also cunning._

**I am. But don't put me in Slytherin.**

_Why? You want power, I can tell._

**Hat, and I swear this, if you put me in Slytherin, I will tear you into shreds. You may be powerful, but you have nothing against me when I get angry.**

_Okay okay. Ravenclaw—you _are _smart. Hufflepuff—you are loyal. But you are chivalrous and brave. Yes, you belong in Gryffindor._

**Thank you. Thank you _so_ much.**

"GRYFFINDOR!"  
_Thinking twice about tearing me to shreds, eh?_

**Eh, not really.**

"Sly.."

**Yes! Yes!**

** A/N: I am personally quite proud of this one. :)**


	6. Hermione Granger

Hermione Granger

"Granger, Hermione_."_

The Sorting Hat felt itself being lowered onto a bushy clump of hair. It wasn't going to be an easy day. Just by taking a glance at the hall, he detected a new Weasley. Arugh. The Weasleys were always impossible to sort, because they were all cunning and had spots where they would con people if they had to—they were impeccably poor—but all the same, the Hat knew they never would. So he had thrown every single one into Gryffindor, and year after year he wondered if he was making a mistake. That genius, Fred Weasley, and his twin George, were _this _close to being in Ravenclaw. Smart children.

But it was not sorting Weasleys; it was sorting a Granger.

_Muggleborn?_

**Oh no. Is it that obvious? Do I have to be sent home now? Or maybe you'll just put me in Hufflepuff. Of course, Professer Helga Hufflepuff was quite honorable, but really, I have to tell the truth right? Of course I do. I really desperately don't want to be in Hufflepuff.**

_..Why?_

**Because Mum and Dad were so disappointed when they learned I was a witch—I think they thought that I couldn't get my degree in Science now—but then they found out some about the Houses, and they really desperately want me to be in Ravenclaw, because that's where the smart ones are. And Hufflepuff is—well—they said it was for dunces. Mum and Dad are quite pressurizing, really. I have to be perfect.**

_You aren't._

**I'm not..?**

_You are not perfect._

**What? WHAT?**

_No one is. You are deeply uneducated—you are only eleven. And anyways, you could never get a proper degree in Science. You think in numbers, and you don't care nearly as much as you pretend to about your studies. Tell me, Ms Granger. What do you care for? What do you, in your deepest, most twisted desires of heart, want?_

**Um.**

_You can tell me._

**I can't.**

_You can.._

**I want a friend.**

_You have friends._

**No I don't and it's not cos of how smart I am. It's because I don't make friends that easily. They think I'm uptight and snooty, yes, but I think they're too laid back. I can't make friends. But if I looked in a magical mirror I'd see myself with friends.**

_And you will definitely get some. Now! Ravenclaw? You _are _very smart, child, I can see that—your IQ is skyrocketing._

**Yeah I guess so...**

_Ravenclaw! The House of your dreams!_

__**My parents' dreams. I don't want to be smart.**

_What do you want to be?_

**…**

..

**…**

_…_

_ **…**_

__…

**…**

_…_

**Brave.**

_Well then, that's that._ "GRY—"

**Wait! I'm not ready!**

_I am._

_ "_GRYFFINDOR!"

A/N: I'm kinda at a loss for her to do next. Please review and tell me your ideas!


	7. Luna Lovegood

Luna Lovegood

"Lovegood, Luna!"

Inwardly, the Sorting Hat groaned. Oh, oh, oh _no. Not a Lovegood! _These people were insane, that's what they were. Many years ago, he had sorted that insane Xenophillius. And even before that, his mad grandfather. And before that..the list went on and on and on, there were generations of Lovegoods before this one. He had hoped with all his velvety fabric that Xeno was the last one. But no, he had to have a daughter!

_Maybe this one is normal, _he thought desperately. _Please, please, please, please let this one be normal. _He entertained himself with this thought as Luna dreamily climbed up to the front of the room. By the time she slipped him over her silvery grey eyes, he had convinced himself that she was probably an exception to the Lovegood's "we're insane and proud" rule.

How very wrong he was.

**Oh, I have waited for this moment for a long time..I have always wanted to ask you something, Mister Hat.**

_What is it._

**Oh dear, you do not sound very happy..**

_Don't worry about it. What is it? Let's hurry up and get this over with it._

**Yes, let's...**

_Wait, what?_

**Well, having such an ancient Hat on my head may trigger Wrackspurts. That's what I wanted to ask you, by the way. Do I have Wrackspurts in my mind?**

_**….**_

__**….**

_…_

_ I am going to have to ask you to repeat that, young Luna._

**Oh certainly! Do.....**_**I....have....**_**Wrackspurts...****that's W-R-A-C-K-S-P-U-R-T-S....in..**_**my...**_**mind?**

_I was afraid you'd said—thought—that.._

**Why ever were you afraid? Wrackspurts are generally harmless. So **_**do **_**I?**

_Why, no, you do not._

**Are you just saying that so I'll leave you alone?**

_Perhaps._

**Oh, okay. Well, sort me then.**

_Uh.._

**I would love to be in Ravenclaw. That's where my ancestors were, you know! All of them. Gryffindor is honorable, but most of them die for a Noble Cause.**

_Don't you want to?_

**Why, no one has ever asked me that! Well, not really, because even though it would be pleasant, I would like a quiet, not-drawn-out, death in the company of my family. With a smile on my face. That's my life ambition; to die with a smile on my face.**

_**..**_

_ .._

_ .._

_ .._

_ .._

_ I give up._

_ "_RAVENCLAW!_"_

**Goodbye, hat. Conversing was you was like talking to a friend.**

Despite himself, the Hat could never bring himself to not like Luna after that.

**A/N: Soo..how'd you like **_**this **_**one? Special thanks to Valfish, Lilly is me, i. love. snivellus, and especially Siveler, who gave me the idea for this. :)**


	8. Neville Longbottom

_A/N: Thanks to Lily is me for this wonderful idea!_

Neville Longbottom

"Longbottom, Neville!"

The Hat cast his memory back. Longbottom, Longbottom...ah, yes, Frank. Smart, studious young man. Serious as could be, yet confident also. Good at almost everything. A pleasure to Sort! The Hat peered eagerly through the students, certain this boy would be a mirror image of his perfect father.

He was terribly disappointed.

A boy with a hat askew and untidy hair spewing out of it was walking—well, a more appropriate word would be "stumbling"--up the hall, clutching a toad with both hands, looking more apprehensive than all of children in the hall together, _including _the Weasley, and how the Granger had looked, and the Potter too.

**G-g-g-g-g-g-g-good evening, h-h-hat.**

_Who told you to say that?_

**N-n-n-no one. I thought it would be p-polite.**

_Right, and who told you to say _that_?_

**Er, my gran.**

_I see. Well, I suppose this is an open and shut case. _"H.."

**NO! NO! PLEASE, QUIET!**

_All right. What house do you think you should be in?_

**Wait, you're actually listening to me?**

_Look, I don't have a choice. This ain't going to be an easy day, I already see a Weasley and Potter. So can we try to make this fast?_

**Uh, uh, I'll try. Well..I'd like to be in Ravenclaw, cos that's where the smarties go..**

_That's where your gran wants you to go, you mean. Where do _you _want to go?_

**Not..not Slytherin. Ravenclaw won't be bad. But..Gryffindor sounds wonderful, it really really does. But..I don't know.**

_I hate doing this, but I'm to resort to psychological methods. Right. I'll say a word, and just let whatever come into your head. Ready?_

**Er, I think so!**

_Red._

**Pride.**

_Blue._

**Gran will be pleased.**

_Badger._

__**No.**

_Lion._

**Brave.**

_Gran._

**Commanding, wonderful.**

_Smart._

**Unrealistic.**

_Brave._

**Mum and Dad.**

_Cruel._

**Cruciatus Curse.**

_Evil._

**Bellatrix Lestrange.**

_Wait a moment, how in the world do you know—_

**She..she tortured my parents into madness when I was just a baby.**

_And you've lived with your gran ever since?_

**Yes.**

_And you've survived the thought that your parents don't know who you are?_

**I have to.**

_That's bravery if I've ever seen it._

"GRYFFINDOR!"


	9. Fred Weasley

**A/N**_: _ **A/N **_Thank you, awesomerthanuhp, for your support in the past two chapters. Stay tuned cos I have a Very Important Announcement at the end of the chapter!_

Fred Weasley

"Weasley, Fred!"

_Oh, no, no, not another Weasley!_

This boy was definitely a Weasley. He shared his father's flaming red hair, and that jolly grin.

_Well well well, another Weasley?_

**Whadya mean another?**

_Well, I've done a few in my time._

**Well, duh. I mean, there are dozens of us.**

___Right. I can tell. Who's that boy out there, who looks precisely like you?_

**My partner in crime, my twin brother, George. You'll be stuck with him next, I presume. And I'm telling you, if you separate us, we will NOT be very pleased. If you know what I mean.**__

_You remind me of Sirius Black._

_**Excuse me?! **_**He's a serial killer!**

___Is he really? He didn't strike me as so at his time._

**Well you aren't a very good judge of character.**

___Judging by _that, _neither are you!_

**Hmph.**

___So..you like to play pranks?_

**Yup, you should see the torture George and I inflict on Ron and Ginny!**

___And they are..?_

**Our little brother and littler sister. Ron is eight, and Ginny is seven. Ginny's real tough, but Ron's something of a wimp.**

_You take advantage of this?_

**Sure!**

_ Ah ha. Slytherin would be _perfect!

**Wait, WHAT?**

_Well, if you refuse, I suppose not..let's see, you're farther away from Hufflepuff than Albus Dumbledore in his time, and he was pretty far to tell the truth.._

**So I've heard.**

_Hmm. Playing so many pranks, not only on young children..but your older siblings also. Very clever, very clever indeed._

**Yup, I'm a genius, I am!**

_I agree. It's also quite a brave thing. Hmm, I can't decide now..Ravenclaw or Gryffindor? Ravenclaw..yes, I think that would be a clever fit. You are smart as an owl, and I can definitely see you succeed._

**No.**

_No?_

**I refuse to be placed in Ravenclaw.**

_Oh, all right, if you really really want. You're more brave and chivalrous than smart, I guess. Gryffindor it is..a true Weasley._

"GRYFFINDOR!"

__**A/N: Finished already? Right, here's the announcement!**

** I am holding something of a contest. In my head is a number 0-10. THROUGH REVIEWS, pick a number through 0-10 and the winner(s) can, ****through reviews****, select anyone at all to be Sorted! You may ****not**** P.M me. If more than one person chooses the correct number, then both of their selections will be Sorted. Good luck! And something you should know: ****the next chapter will be George!**** So don't pick him. :)**


	10. George Weasley

George Weasley

"Weasley, George!"

A tall, thin boy with hair so red the Hat almost told him to wash out the hair dye. Oddly enough, it seemed a redder red than all his brother's' flaming red hair. Immediately, the Hat felt afraid.

Rightfully so.

He peered cautiously into the boy's thoughts. _Hello.._

**Hullo.**

_Fred Weasley's brother?_

**Yeah, George.**

_I see._

**So. You put my brothers in Gryffindor.**

_I trust you want the same?_

**Well, perhaps not.**

_Is that right, now? Why?_

**Well, you see, sometimes.. I want to be **_**independent.**_

_** ..**_

_…_

_ **…**_

_…_

_ Independent._

**Yes. Like, I'm kind of the less boisterous of the twins, you know? So people sometimes tend to overlook me...you know? Ever since we were really little, I've loved Fred and he and me play and have a jolly great brilliant time, but I dunno. Sometimes, I want to be an individual.. not a set of twins, not just a Weasley, but a friend?**

_I see._

** Yeah...**

_So you would not mind Slytherin?_

** WHAT????**

_Hehe, just kidding there. You are brave enough...for opening up like that, even if it _is _to a hat. Gryffindor it is?_

** Why not?**

_"_Gryffindor!"

**A/N: Soo, I took a bit of a different take on George, huh? I'm sure he felt like this once in a while..**

** I am displeased to say that **_**no one has yet guessed the correct number! **_**Fear not, I am making a new contest. As of now, the number in my head ****has not changed,**** but now I have narrowed it down; it is ****below seven!**** Have fun guessing. And since this is a brand new contest; you may guess again if you've already ****guessed.**


	11. Umbridge

** A/N: CONGRATULATIONS TO AmoMelam **_**AND**_** Cassidy Sapphire, we have a **_**tie**_**! :O The number in my head was four, and AmoMelam, you were first, so your chapter comes first—Umbridge. This chapter is Umbridge! I plan to have LOADS of fun writing it. The next chapter will be Cassidy Sapphire's request, Snape. :) R&R, and congrats again to the winners =).**

** This isn't really my best work, but it's fairly humorous all the same. I think. I hope. :)**

Dolores Umbridge

"Umbridge, Dolores!"

In all his days, the Hat had only seen so much garnish on a salad; never on an innocent girl of eleven. Her black robes were decorated. _Very _decorated. So decorated the Hat hadn't any idea _why _on earth Dumbledore was putting up with it. She had covered the hem with embroidered kittens, glued pink sequins all over her hat, and instead of nervously scuffing along, or even sprinting, or even just bouncing over, she was skipping. In pink sparkly high heels that gleamed. The hat quivered in disgust as she neared him. McGonagall signaled for her to remove her sparkling pink hat, but the girl folded her arms and shook her head.

"I'm not letting that awful thing touch me!" she squealed in a voice so high the Hat was sure he heard a couple of windows smash. He was tempted to slap her into Hufflepuff, just for that remark.

After much coaxing and a fair amount of threatening, the girl grabbed him and slammed him onto her head, looking extremely cross. The Hat pried every flake of dandruff from his inside onto her head, then proceeded to question her.

_Dolores, Dolores. What _am _I going to do with you? You have been in Hogwarts two minutes and you have already kicked up a huge fuss. Tk tk tk tk. Why?_

**Don't talk to me like that, you filthy little head garment.**

**\ **_That's it, you're going in Hufflepuff._

**Oh no I'm not!**

_Oh yes you are  
_**NO! I _WON'T _BE IN HUFFLEPUFF!**

_If you insist. Right, you're selfish, greedy, and an imbecile. That is..well, you don't seem to have the qualities for any House at all. Putting you in Hufflepuff would be a stain on it's just record; you'd get thrown out of Gryffindor; Ravenclaw would rather take a four-year-old..that leaves Slytherin._

**I'm going there.**

_Slytherin is not about purebloodship; or evilness. Slytherin is about being shrewd and cunning._

**I'm cunning.**

_Well, you do know how to get yourself out of a tight spot. Maybe unfairly. Eh, why not._

"SLYTHERIN!"


	12. Severus Snape

**A/N: Cassidy Sapphire's request!! Oh, and awesomerthanuhp gave me an idea for it, so I credit her..or him..a bit, too :).**

** Right, before you read..**

** I have some grave news. This may be my last update for..well, let's just say awhile. I am in no way ending or deleting this story, because I really love it, and I plan to continue with it until I run out of ideas or everyone gets sick of it, whichever comes first. :) However, I've been laden down with schoolwork these days.**__**Does anyone else present hate math? With a PASSION? And who hates midterms? Raise your hand, no reason to be shy!**

** So, enjoy this chapter! I hope to post in a week or two, but if not...er...read the other chapters?**

** By the way, I don't own a thing, well except a laptop and some clothes and an MP3 player.. :) But I don't own a copy of **_**Inkdeath, **_**the saddest book known to women kind. :'( I have my teacher's copy, though! Does that count? No? Darn.**

Severus Snape

"Snape, Severus!"

With a nervous look at a pretty redheaded girl Sorted into Gryffindor just moments before, a lanky, pimply, greasy haired boy trotted up to the Hat and slipped him on. The Hat grimaced against the greasy hair, but braced himself and dove into the Snape boy's thoughts.

_Well, well, well. Snape, Snape, never met a Snape. Muggleborn, I presume._

**No, my mum's a witch. Eileen Price. My dad's an idiot, though, Tobias Snape, and he and my mum always shout and throw things at each other and Mum is very nice but Dad is mean and I hate him.**

_I see. _The Hat hadn't experienced a boy to let go like this, but obviously this pimply kid had a lot of awful thoughts stored under his seemingly cool surface.

**Yeah, no you don't. It's awful living with Dad, and it's Mum's fault for falling in love with him and not telling him she was a witch and then they got married and then she told him and he was so furious and he became commanding and rude and mean to her, and then she had me and I can do what Dad hates—well, obviously, see? I'm sitting in Hogwarts; so I'm a wizard. Anyway, Dad hates magic, he really really really hates it, and when I started doing things he started blowing up, told Mum he wasn't going to stand a kid like that, that she ought just toss me in a Home or an asylum, but Mum loves me and she said no the boy's staying with us and then**

_They have these fights in front of you?_

**Oh, course not, but they're pretty loud with em, and I can hear.**

_I see; carry on then._

**And then Dad says then I'm outta here woman and he goes for one whole night at a time. Sometimes he goes longer. But when I wake up he's always there and he yells at me to make him some good hot tea. And he never hits me but sometimes, I wish he hit me because then I could report him to the Muggle please men but I can't. And then I met a nice girl named Lily**

_Before you go on with your I'm sure fascinating life story, answer me this: do you consider yourself brave? _The Hat braced himself for another long explanation, but it never came.

**Nope.**

_You do not?_

**No. I can never stand up to Dad. I can't even stand up to Lily's sister Petunia. **

_Ah, Lily. Evans?_

**Yes.**

_I see. You are fond of her?_

**Yes. First I thought she was very pretty but I just like her very very much. She calls me Sev. That's very nice of her. But there's an imbecile I met with weird hair and glasses who was bothering us like mad on the train and saying **_**oooo **_**to us even though we're just friends but I think he might want to be Lily's girlfriend—**

_For heaven's sake, you lot are eleven years old!_

**Hat, I'm trying to be open and tell you as much as you need about myself like Mum told me, so shut up.**

_No! I'm tired of your life story. It's time to Sort you now, so just be quiet for a little bit. Tell me now, where do you _want _to be?_

**Well see, I'm not really sure of that. I think I might want to be with Lily in Gryffindor but Mum always told me Gryffindor was for wimpy little kids and Slytherin is the powerful. But Lily sure doesn't seem to think so. Lily's not a wimp. I know that. She's very brave, but she's also cunning and very smart and I could see her in Slytherin! So why did you have to go and put her in Gryffindor, huh?**

_I choose not to answer that._

**Aw, I hate you.**

_Do you know, your name was somewhat recurring in her thoughts.._

_**Really?**_

___Just thought you might want to know. Now, you don't _really _want to be in Gryffindor. You still think it's for wimps, albeit your best friend being put in there. Yes, in that perspective.. I truly do think that Slytherin would fit you._

**But Lily..**

_You two can still be friends, you know._

**Okay, then, Slytherin it is, I guess..**

"SLYTHERIN!"


	13. Nymphadora Tonks

**I am so, so sorry. Not only for the delay, but for the sheer shortness and stupidity of this chapter. I credit Siveler for this idea, and I also apologize to you for making it idiotic as it is. I am also begging for ideas, because I am stricken by severe writer's block. I will credit you.**

Nymphadora Tonks

"Tonks, Nymphadora!"

The Hat watched, somewhat amused, at the girl, stumbling up the hall with a placid grin on her face. She waved gaily at someone sitting at the Gryffindor table. The Hat recognized him as twelve year old Charlie Weasley, then took the hat from McGonagall and lay the hat on her head, smiling.

**That's my friend, Charlie Weasley!**

_I know, Sorted him last year._

**Was he difficult to Sort, Charlie? He told me that you yelled at him for being smart and cunning and brave and just at the same time, and you threatened to put him in Slytherin as punishment.**

_And I thought I could trust him.._

**What's that?**

_Er, nothing at all. So. I can't read you much.._

**Can't I just choose?**

_No!_

**Darn! Please?**

_No._

**Please?**

_No._

**Please?**

_No._

**PLEASE?**

_What stupid House do you want to be in for God's sake?_

**Erm..Ravenclaw, I s'pose..**

_Dya know what? You seem very kind, which is a sign of justness and are extremely persistent,which is a sign of hard working, which is a sign of..Hufflepuff!_

**Oh, all right..**

"HUFFLEPUFF!"


	14. Ginny Weasley

**This one, albeit somewhat dumb, is better than the chapter before this—I think and hope! It sends the time zone into a warped nothingness, though, so just know I'm going to do it totally out of order from here on..I might do Hagrid later on..but probably not. And I should thank ZekeDarklord for this idea. :)**

Ginny Weasley

"Weasley, Ginny!"

_No. No. NO..PLEASE let this be the last one!_

**Hi, Hat!**

_Hello, young girl.._

**In case you're wondering, I'm the last Weasley!**

_YES! THANK THE LORD, YES!_

_ …_

_**…**_

___…_

_**…**_

___…_

**…That was odd..**

.._Let's forget I ever said that. Now...er...okay. So. You appear to be worried about something?_

**Yes, I can't find my brother!**

_I can see Percy, Fred, George...who—_

**Ron!**

_Oh him.._

**I happen to like **_**him!**_

___Well yeah, I get that! I wonder where he is...seemed a real adventurous type; he's probably off with some friends, mucking about. Okay, let's see. That trust and care for your brother deems you quite worthy of..Hufflepuff.._

**Erm..I'd rather not..**

_Worthy, worthy, I didn't say you could necessarily be there. You lack..certain qualities._

**Like..?**

_Oh, I dunno..you just don't seem Hufflepuffy enough!_

**Why, thank you.**

_You're welcome.._

**Am I smart, Hat?**

_Smart?_

**Yes, smart. Ravenclaw-smart.**

_You are not._

**What?!**

_Well you asked..you aren't book smart. However, you are very street smart._

**Haha. Like that makes a bloody difference..**

_It pretty well does. You think half of the snots in Ravenclaw—_

_** Snots?**_

****_Ahem, I mean, well mannered clever children, will survive two days on the street when battle strikes? No!_

**Aw, man, I wanted to be with my friend Luna. She's a genius.**

_*Shudder shudder. Luna..she was frightening._

**You know what I hate?**

_Luna?_

**No, she's my best friend actually. I hate being a Weasley.**

_Why?_

**Because we always come last! Because of the "W". Why couldn't I Easley? Why _W_? Huh? Huh?**

_It means you're the last to die.._

**Well, somebboodiiess morbid!**

_Yes, you got a problem?_

**Can you Sort me already?**

_Yes, yes..Luna..you're just as smart as her, even though with her charm, she's probably a tad smarter. But you, you know the way of the worlds. You know how to _survive. _You would brave anything for your family and friends._

**No one ever complimented me like that before...**

_Well, now you've experienced it. Such bravery can only equal to.._

"GRYFFINDOR!"

_And by the way, a peek into the future told me your brother will arrive sooner than you'd prefer..._

**I know the Sorting Hat can't tell the future and all, but hey you never know, huh? ;) Right I apologize again for the last chapter—it sucked. I had a lot on my shoulders what with exams and other schoolwork. I wanted to spin something out for the pure joy of writing. I then made the mistake of posting it, where I most definitely should have kept in snug in my computer. I am considering deleting it all together. What do you think?**

** I'm sorry. Reallly sorry. Hope this one made up for it. :)**


	15. Andromeda Black

**This one, albeit somewhat dumb, is better than the chapter before this—I think and hope! It sends the time zone into a warped nothingness, though, so just know I'm going to do it totally out of order from here on..I might do Hagrid later on..but probably not. And I should thank ZekeDarklord for this idea. :)**

Andromeda Tonks (nee Black)

"Black, Andromeda!"

A tall, spindly girl with dark brown hair past her shoulders and wide brown eyes, a spitting image of third-year Bellatrix Black except with longer, brown hair and softer eyes, was striding up to the hat. Were the two sisters? The Hat wondered. There were so many Blacks splattered across Slytherin it was impossible to tell..

**Good evening, Sir Hat.**

_Hello. Are you Bellatrix Black's sister?_

**Unfortunately.**

_You do not like your sister?_

**She's a prat.**

_Oh? And why is that?_

**Well, when she first got to Hogwarts—wait a second, you're a **_**talking Hat!**_

.._Yes?_

**And there are no Hinkypunks inside of you!**

_Hinky—?_

**Or anything else that bites! Oooh, I shall flay her alive! She swore that there was a little pocket in the edges of you and there was an evil biting creature inside that gnawed our brains until it figured out where to go.**

_...No wonder you hate her..._

**Well, yes, that and the fact that she's forever teasing and bothering me.**

_I thought all sisters did that?_

**They do but not like Bellatrix. She uses magic to get horrible things to follow me around—**

_But she isn't allowed._

**The Ministry will think it's my mum and dad doing the magic, silly thing. And she's so mean to poor little Sirius.**

_Sirius?_

**He's my five year old cousin. He's so cute and tiny, and he's nice to everyone, but Bella is so mean to him. She knows he's afraid of loud noises and the dark, so she keeps dropping things and locking him up in the bathroom. She's **_**horrid!**_

_I see. I do remember Sorting her. She had a somewhat vicious mind..._

**You're a good judge of character. D'ya know, when my friend Ablax Tohl* came over for the first time, she conveniently left my journal lying open to a rather personal page in plain view where Abrax could **_**easily **_**spot it?**

_You aren't friends with Tohl anymore, I take it?_

**Not since he read that I am falling over my toes in love with him..oh, I was **_**ten! **_**I didn't **_**know **_**any better! Ugh..**

_I see.._

**I have another sister, too, Narcissa Black. She's nine.**

_Do you like her any?_

**Oh, I dunno. She's not nearly as evil as Bellatrix, but we're not exactly best pals..she kinda blends into the woodwork.**

_And what do you think of your parents?_

**Dad died when I was about..ah, what**__**was it..seven and three quarters. He was pretty awesome. Mum's something of a twit, though..favors Bellatrix, doesn't make any move to punish her when she teases me..ohh, but last time Bella got me I got her back...set a Niffler into her bedroom, it destroyed her gold watch. It was **_**awesome.**_

___I presume you are unhappy at home._

**Yeah, I guess you could say that. Mum's annoying, Narcissa just stands there, Bella's poisonous...I've been waiting to get to Hogwarts, eager to get it away from it all..I don't really want to be in Slytherin, by the way. I don't especially want Bellatrix bothering me in front of the entire common room.**

_Well, I suppose Ravenclaw would be perfect for you, in that case!_

"RAVENCLAW!"

***No idea who this guy is, just made him up for lack of names =P**

** I was guilted into writing this chapter. PLAIN, FLAT OUT, GUILTED! I have a huge pile of homework to do, but then I got several story alerts, favorite stories, and reviews. So. Yeah. I was guilted. Oh well, it was a lot of fun. Next chapter should be up by February...hopefully...anyways, I've got a long weekend coming up.**


	16. Colin Creevey

Colin Creevey

"Creevey, Colin!"

A small boy with a broad grin and fair hair bounded down the hall. Using the word "excited" to describe him would be the understatement of the century. His eyes were positively wild with anticipation.

_Goodness, _the Sorting Hat thought, _it's a terribly good thing his name isn't Zeevey...he can hardly wait four people..._

Professor McGonagall carefully slid him onto Colin's head. He immediately feel far past his eyes. He heard gentle chuckles rippling through the halls as it covered the boy's entire head. The Hat entertained the thought that he looked rather like a lampshade.

**I look nothing like a lampshade!**

_Oh, were you listening?_

**Oh my goodness! A talking hat! I've never met a talking hat before! How do you do Mr Hat? Huh? How do you do? Huh? A **_**talking hat!!!**_

_...Muggleborn, I presume._

__**Yup. My dad's a milkman, you know!**

_How interesting. Now, where do you care to go, er.._

__**Colin Arnold Creevey. Arnold is my dad's name. Dad's a milkman, you know!**

_Yes, you told me...now, Colin Arnold—_

__**Oh please, call me Colin! Arnold's my dad's name. He's a milkman, you know!**

Really_? _

**Yup!**

_Okay then, dear son of a milkman—_

**You don't have to call me that! My _dad's _a—**

_Milkman, so I've heard...anyhow..just to tell you, Gryffindor is where the ones with bravery goes—_

**Like Harry Potter!**

_Yes, exactly. You have heard of him?_

**Are you kidding me? I've heard of him so much, even my dad knows who he is! And he's a milkman, you know!**

_Yes, I KNOW! So, you admire Harry?_

**Yup! He's my hero. I admire him even more than I admire my dad, who is _pretty _admirable, if I do say so myself. He's a milkman, you know!  
**_SO I HAVE HEARD. ANYWAYS. You want to be in Gryffindor, I presume?_

**Oh, yes, yes, yes. It's where Harry Potter was! My dad would be so proud. He's a milkman you know!  
**_AUUUUUUUUGHHHHH! _

"GRYFFINDOR!"

**I'll give my father, the milkman, your hellos! Oh, and guess what! I have a brother! He's probably starting next year, too!**

_Oh, Lord. NO!!!_

**_Soo.._dear readers...please, please resist from throwing things at me..heavy things..you see, I have been..busy.. So, I finally got around to getting out this chapter. It is for awesomerthanuhp's (extremely) belated birthday. Hope it was happy! :) Also..I think I used the author's note two chaps in a row..did I thank ZekeDarkLord for my Andromeda chapter? Sorry—ZekeDarkLord gave me Ginny, but Dromeda was of my own accord. :)**

** I also wanted to give a thank you to ****Valfish, Gintawolf, michelle.3-23, awesomerthanuhp, Annabeth Athena Chase, Midnight Emerald, Diamond Sunshine, Angel-son of Caeser, Gryffindor's Snake, Blackest Apologies, Dreamers Poisoned, XoX-Sirius and Draco Lover-XoX, Joelle8, dancergirl7, Robert DeWarren, Chilling Death, xoxo SUMMER RAINE xoxo, Skizzorsaregangsta, DaisyMaeEvans, dearmanica, Hrairhin, Siveler, FlurryXxLoveXx, Lindseypaw1, VanillaFieldsOfGold, livelifetothefullest4e, ashtav123, dphsgo, Jiinxx101, oddballrandomness, CharlieBBB, ZekeDarkLord, Jemennuie, AmoMelam, forever Nicole Cullen, hippolina97, Lilly is me and .snivellus. **

** If you reviewed/favorited/story alert-thingyed, or did anything in anyway to acknowledge you read, enjoyed, and/or wanted more of this, and your username is not above, please, PLEASE let me know. THANK YOU ALL STATED ABOVE!!!!!!! YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!!!! AND SOME THAT I MAY HAVE ACCIDENTALLY MISSED OUT!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ROCK TOO!!!!!!!**

** Kaaay, I'm done :). Oh gosh, this author's note is entirely too long..gonna have to trim it a bit..oh no too long..oh well..**


	17. Remus Lupin

Remus John Lupin

"Lupin John*, Remus!"

An unhealthily tall and skinny eleven year old in very patched and shabby robes, with no colour in his cheeks but lots of light in his eyes, stumbled up the Great Hall. He tripped over his too-large boots, and the Slytherins—in particular, noticed the hat, the Malfoy boy—laughed unkindly. Color immediately came to the boy's cheeks—a bright, fiery red. Slughorn looked sternly at them, and they silenced, thought laughs still peeled through the Hall, more than the Black boy got..

With one peek into the boys thoughts, that Hat was immediately alarmed.

_You're a WEREWOLF?!?!!?!_

**Hello to you too..**

_Oh my goodness..you're—you're a WEREWOLF!_

**Nice to know...**

_Er, tonight's not full—_

**Oh, shut up. I feel bad enough already, what with that Malfoy boy teasing me practically the whole way here, and that Black girl, Bellatrix is it?, and Dumbledore and the staff having to bend the rules so far down they've practically been broken in two...**

_I see...um... on with the Sorting, I guess. You seem extraordinarily keen _not _to break rules, Mr. Lupin, which seems to give you qualities of Hufflepuff._

**Oh?**

_And you also seem brave, to face Hogwarts despite your—your _disability.._Good Lord, have you already found friends?_

**Kind of..I met these crazy two boys, I think John..no, James, James Potter and Sirius Something..he wouldn't tell me his last name, for some reason..I wonder why? On the train. They rescued me from the Black girl.. They seem friendly enough, I s'pose... But it won't last.**

_Oh?_

**Yeah, I mean, I'm a werewolf. I can't risk friendship. I plan to focus on studies this year, see..**

_A devoted studier, and extremely smart. Yes, yes, Ravenclaw _would _suit a boy like you.._

**Oh?  
**_And..you don't seem to very cunning, exactly—oh, no offense intended, it's almost a compliment._

**Almost?**

_Well, I'm trying to say, you're not exactly working for Slytherin, you're too..um.._

**Nice?**

_ Well, not to say Slytherins aren't nice, but I guess you could put it that way.. so you could easily go into Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, or Gryffindor.. hmm.. any preferences?  
_**None, sorry. I dunno, I didn't know I was actually _coming _to Hogwarts until a week before today, so I haven't really thought much about it.**

_Do you know what? I honestly admire you, I really truly do. You just learned you came to Hogwarts, I see that it was extremely rushed. You're bearing an incredible secret, and are looking ahead to the rest of the year nonetheless. Overbearing the rest of your wonderful, I'm sure, qualities, is bravery._

**Do you mean..with **_**Sirius.. **_**and **_**James..**_

__"GRYFFINDOR!"

***I've always been oddly obsessed with calling Remus by his middle name as well.. I of all people have NO IDEA why. Perhaps it should be the other way round? John Lupin, Remus? Correct me if I'm wrong.**

** I've noticed that for some reason, the Sorting Hat's character seems to resemble my guidance counselor's one.. :S Sorry for the delay, I think this chapter is pretty decent. I know I should credit someone for this, but see, quite a lot of people recommended Remus. If you did, this chapter is _so _for you :).**


	18. How the Sorting Hat Came To Be

** I was unbelievably touched at the sheer number of reviews I got. Whoever reviewed, THANK YOU. SO MUCH. I had a not so great day, and the reviews honestly made it completely awesome.**

** So awesome I decided to make you a bonus chapter.**

** Not that this story is ending! No, no. It's just that this chapter is _very _different from the usual. For one, it doesn't Sort anyone. No, this is the**

_BONUS CHAPTER:  
HOW THE SORTING HAT CAME TO BE_

**It's how exactly Gryffindor got his hands on it, and why and how he turned it smart. :) ENJOY!**

An eleven year old Godric Gryffindor tore open his birthday presents, one after another.

"Oh, boy, Salaazar!" he shrieked ecstatically. "OH, BOY!"

On the table in front of the excitable young boy lay a hat.

It was brand new, obviously. It was made of very fine, polished black leather and had a wide brim. When Godric slipped it on, it fell far over his eyes, almost onto his nose.

He pulled it off, set it carefully in front of him, and ran his hands around it lovingly.

Salaazar Slytherin, Godric's best friend, suppressed a laugh. "It's just a _hat, _Godric! It hardly cost me anything. I have your bigger present." He brandished a long, oddly shaped package.

"Yeah," said snooty smart Rowena Ravenclaw, who Godric had definitely not wanted to invite, but Salaazar had a mad crush on the snobby thing, so he had reluctantly let him tell her that he said that he could tell her to come along, under _his (_Slytherin's) begging. (He wanted to make it very clear that _he _did _not _want Rowena over.) "It's not even pretty."

"Yeah," piped up tagalong Helga Hufflepuff, who was actually fairly nice. "Um..yeah."

Godric looked at his friends in mock pity. "You idiots," he said. "It's a _wizards _hat."

Godric's mother clamped a hand over his mouth while his dad frantically urged down the curtains. "Godric," admonished Mrs. Gryffindor, "what have we told you about saying that in public?"

"Salem Witch Burnings, yeah, yeah, yeah, Iknow," said Godric impatiently. "But Mum, _look _at it! It's so _wizardy!_"

Salaazar looked closely at it. "It _is _pretty cool," he agreed. "Now open the big one I brought you. Come on!"

Gryffindor undid the paper of the gift in front of him, and nearly fainted.

In front of him, emblazoned with his name, was a ruby-encrusted sword.

* * *

_Some dozens of years later, just five minutes after Slytherin leaves the school:_

Godric Gryffindor, now a founder of Hogwarts, sat with his head in his hands in his study. His best friend, Salaazar Slytherin, was no longer his best friend, no longer even his close friend. He was gone. Forever.

_He's left me._

_ No. I chased him away._

Gryffindor suddenly realized something. There had to still be a Slytherin house—because none of the others would take the shrew people into their house. But how now would students be selected for it?

He leaned his head far forward and his hat, now worn down after so many years, fell into his hands.

_ Slytherin had given him that Hat._

So maybe..

If he had all four founders..

But then he'd need a bit of Slytherin..

"WAIT!" he shrieked, sprinting down the stairs. "_SALAAZAR!_"

"What do _you _want?"

Godric shook his head and spun around. There, emerging from a _girls' toilet, _for some reason, was his former best friend.

Godric pointed his wand as quickly as possible at Salaazar. "_Pensievus!_" he yelled.

"WHAT THE—WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Salaazar yelled as silvery gas seemed to flow from his head to an outstretched hat.

When enough had come in, Godric flipped the hat back upside down and muttered _Pensievus _again, to himself this time. His own memories—of what he wanted in a Gryffindor, of how he chose Gryffindors—now flowed in.

"Slytherin house must live on," said Godric solemnly, "and the only way to do that is to preserve his memory."

Salaazar's gaze softened slightly, but hardened quickly. "I'm still leaving."

Godric smiled slightly. "I'd expect nothing less," he said quietly. "Goodbye..my friend."

Salaazar gave him a long stare.

"Goodbye."

And he was gone.

* * *

After collecting the girls' memories and making the hat—now the Sorting Hat—clever as possible, Godric had an epiphany.

He picked up the ruby encrusted sword from his desk, and muttered a few charms.

It was to spite Slytherin.

But it was also so his memory would live on.

That Hat would chose now, not only where people went..

..but a true Gryffindor, who in his time of need, would pull the sword from that hat.

**And that, my dear readers, is how the Sorting Hat, and the Sword, came to be.**

**Kind of a dumb ending, but I am..somewhat proud of this little thingy. Oh, and by the way, Gryffindor was saying the spell for what I personally think you say to transfer your thoughts to a Pensieve. :D You never know. Oh, and when Slytherin was coming out from the bathroom..why, he was building the Chamber, of course! And I don't know why Godric wasn't suspicious. Leave the poor guy alone! He's going through a lot. :D Oh, and I probably made them all way to modern, as they should have been saying thee and thou and all, but I just wanted to write this. So, please overlook the little things :D.**

** Next up will probably be a next gen. :**


	19. Bellatrix Black

**Bellatrix Black  
**

"Black, Bellatrix!"

A tall, skinny, menacing girl with pale skin and eyes dark as...the Hat couldn't find a metaphor for the blackness that held those eyes. He almost shuddered.

She strode up to the stool and clamped the hat on her head.

_Hello, madam._

**Slimy thing.**

_…Excuse me?_

**Only Muggles where Hats like you.**

_And what, pray tell is the matter with Muggles?_

**What do you **_**think? **_**They're like animals. They don't **_**know**_** anything. They wander around like nit wits.**

_..You know, it's that kind of behavior that shaped Salaazar Slytherin into the madness that he was when he left the school._

**Salaazar Slytherin was the most honorable man ever to darken the Halls of Hogwarts, you imbecile.**

_Excuse ME. Continue like that and your mother will not let you use your magic this summer to..why, oh why, do you want to scare your cousin? What did he ever do to you?_

**Sirius is a nit wit.**

___You use the word a lot. I don't think you know what it means._

**Ookay then. So..can you just put me in Slytherin and be done with it?**

___No._

**Why not?**

___I need to explore you a bit more. Let's see.. I don't know if you really have the properties for Slytherin._

**I'm a pure blood.**

___No you aren't._

_**EXCUSE ME?!!! THE ENTIRE NOBLE HOUSE OF BLACK IS PURE WIZARD!**_

___No such thing. Your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great uncle, forty five times removed, married a Muggle and had a daughter named Terebithia, and _she _was related to you.._somehow.._and anyways, my point is that you are not entirely pure blood. You have some Muggle blood in there._

**I AM NOT A MUDBLOOD.**

_I never want to hear that term. Ever._

**Watcha gonna do?**

_Put you in Hufflepuff._

**All right all right!**

_Or Gryffindor._

**NO! SHUT UP!**

_You're quite loyal, you know. I see it in the way that you oh so gallantly stuck up for your, as you put it, _Noble _House of Black._

**I am not going to Gryffindor with all the swotty little Mudb—Muggle borns and blood traitors and FILTH.**

_I suppose you are too vile for Gryffindor.. you are clever enough for Ravenclaw, though._

**No!**

_Hufflepuff is not an option. Well, then, it'd better be_

**"**SLYTHERIN!**"**

*** * ***

**So there you have it. Yes, I updated!!! Hooray!!! And while you're here (shameless self promoting) go check out my other story, ****How Fred and George Became Beaters.** **It is absolutely pointless, but awesome fun to write. Do not take it seriously!**

** Oh, and I know I said I'd do a next gen, but Bellatrix came and whacked me with a stick and told me to write about her pronto.**

** Bellatrix: And I got my way!  
Oh, shut up. Well, until next time, then, readers! OH YEAH, ONE MORE THING! The underlined line, if anyone caught it, is from ****The Princess Bride.**** WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT? TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTER AND GO WATCH THAT AWESOME, AWESOME MOVIE!**


	20. James Potter

**A/N: Hi all, thanks so much for five pages of reviews! Sorry for such few updates, been really busy. R&R.**

James Potter

"Potter, James!"

A scraggly looking boy, tall and thin, with messy hair and a wry grin sauntered over to the hat. He winked at the Black boy over at the Gryffindor table and suavely slid onto the stool. McGonagall placed the Hat over his beautiful hazel eyes.

**Yo.**

_...Excuse me?_

**Hulloo, hat. My name is James Potter and I am so awesome.**

_**..**__Um, right then. Why do you think you're awesome?_

**I have cool hair, cool eyes, and am smart, witty, and cool.**

_..._

**Well? Sort me.**

___All right then. Let's see. You are stuck up, conceited, and have the untrue impression that the world revolves around you._

**I do not.**

_You do too._

**I do not.**

_You do too._

**I do NOT!**

_Oh, forget it. You are obviously not going to listen to me. Hm, let's see..how would you like to be in Slytherin?_

_**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**_

___I'll take that as a no._

**ARE. YOU. INSANE????**

_What's so bad about Slytherin?_

**I am NOT a Slytherin!**

_Oh really._

**I am NOT a Slytherin.**

_Can you tell me what the qualities of a Slytherin are._

_** S**_**tuck up and conceited.**

_And what qualities do stuck up, conceited people have?_

**They think they have good looks, are smart, witty and—**

_Is that sounding familiar?_

...

...

...

...

...

…

**Oh, **_**come on!**_

_See where I'm going with this? You need to LEARN, boy, that just because Lily Evans is pretty does not mean she's going—oh, sorry, I mean, just because you are spoiled by your parents does not mean that you are the most special boy on the planet. _

_ ..._

_ ..._

_ ..._

_ ..._

_ ..._

__**What was that about Evans?**

_Oh for HEAVEN'S SAKE!_

**All right, all right, all right. But..she is pretty..**

_CAN WE GET ON WITH THE SORTING???_

**CALM down!**

_Right. You are smart enough for Ravenclaw, cunning enough for Slytherin, just enough for Hufflepuff, and loyal enough for Gryffindor. Hmm.._

**Can I go in Gryffindor?**

_Let's see..I see that with time, your head will deflate a bit, and you really are quite loyal, sticking up for that Lupin boy on the train when that idiot was mean to him, very nice..yes, I do think you would do well in Gryffindor.._

"GRYFFINDOR!"

** ..So..what **_**was **_**that about Evans?**


	21. Lily Evans

**A/N Sorry for the randomness in this chapter. It kinda got away from me. I can see Lily being the fiery type, though. :D Also, please vote in the poll on my profile about who you want Sorted next.**

Lily Evans

"Evans, Lily!"

A tall, freckled, green eyed redheaded girl made her way up to the stool, where she sat with her hands folded, looking extraordinarily calm and composed. The Hat was plunked on her head, and—

**Oh. Dear. Lord. I really do not think I have ever been more nervous in my natural life.**

The Hat was amused. _Muggleborn, I am going to presume._

**Right. Oh, I don't know **_**where **_**I want to go! Sev said—**

_Sev?_

**Severus Snape, my best friend, he said that Slytherin is the way to go. But I've been reading up, and Slytherin has a horrible reputation—they think that Muggleborns are magic thieves and unworthy. And they're all supposed to be horrible and cruel and racist. But Severus's mother, Eileen Prince, **_**she **_**was in Slytherin, and so has like forty generations of Princes before her, and Severus wants to be in it, but he said it doesn't make difference to him for being Muggle-born. So what's up with that?**

_Ah, calm down..._

**And then there's Gryffindor. That really sounds good but Sev said that Gryffindors are stupid idiots! And, ugh, **_**James Potter **_**wants to be in Gryffindor. Oh, God, I hate him..**

_I really do think it would be good for you to calm do—_

**And the other two houses are Hufflepuff, and I don't want to go there, and Ravenclaw, nor there. And ugh, I HATE JAMES POTTER!**

_...You are smitten with him._

**I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH JAMES POTTER! I HATE HIM!**

_You met him for all of thirty minutes, now._

**HE WAS BEING HORRIBLE TO SEVERUS!**

_Despite, you admire the way you saw him stick up for the pale boy who was being bullied._

**I DON'T CARE! HE WAS ACTING LIKE SUCH A HORRIBLE IDIOT! ALL "OH I AM SO AWESOME" AND "SNIVELLUS" AND OH I. HATE. HIM.**

_**..**__Smitten._

_**WHEN DID THIS TURN INTO A CONVERSATION ABOUT MY LOVE LIFE? UGH, JUST SORT ME.**_

___It is remarkably fun to get you annoyed._

**YOU'RE A HAT!  
**_Yes, yes I am._

_**YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO HAVE A PERSONALITY!**_

___It's a shame I do, then._

**YES IT IS!**

_We have gotten far off track. However, through our admittedly entertaining arguments, I see how you stand up so strongly for what you believe in, which really deems you worthy of_

"GRYFFINDOR!"


	22. Percy Weasley

**A/N: Like the last chapter, this got away from me. I **_**hate **_**Percy, but I thought he would really be the type to get fed up with the Situation the Weasleys live in. I thought he deserved a proper outburst. Sorry for the craziness at the beginning. :D. Also, please vote on the poll!**

Percy Weasley

"Weasley, Percy!"

After a long day of Sortings, the Hat was nearly reduced to tears when faced with the gazillionth Weasley. As he was plunked onto the millionth head of red hair, he wanted to sprout legs and run away.

_DOES YOUR MOTHER SOLELY EXIST TO TORTURE POOR SORTERS????_

**….Excuse me?**

_Sorry, sorry. It's just that I've Sorted EVERY SINGLE Weasley, from your great-great-great times about ten thousand and two grandfather, did you know he was in Slytherin?, to Charlie a few months ago. And can I just say that Weasleys are IMPOSSIBLE to Sort!_

**Well..I'm sorry..**

_You'd make a good shrink._

**..What?**

_You're so calm..and collected..and, oh, have I gone insane? Right. Sorting you._

**Um, yes.**

_You're very different from your family. You want power._

**No I don't!**

_Yes you do._

**No I **_**don't! **_**No! No..I don't mind living in..a house that can hardly hold up..I don't mind..occasionally being hungry every end of month..or having to..do the chores because we can't afford a nanny or a House elf. I don't mind seeing my little siblings, Ron and Ginny, cry because they're still hungry, or because they're cold. I don't mind seeing the tortured look on my mother's face when they beg for more. I don't mind taking second hand—second hand **_**everything **_**to school, and I don't mind the whispers that I know exist. No, sir, I don't mind one little bit.**

_Right. You mind._

** Well, what do you want me to do? It's not just the whole being-poor-a-sheep thing. It's like, everyone's so perfect in my family, just plain because they're _not _perfect. But none of them like me, because I like to read better than playing. Just because I'm smart. Mum and Dad are all proud and all, but my sibling s are all...there's Percy, run! And I don't know. Sometime I get tired of it. **

_Wait, back up. A sheep?_

**First thing that came to mind. But being Perfect Percy, Percy who will probably get two hundred O., Percy who's going to be made Head Boy, Percy who always stays calm, even when we don't have any food, it kind of..gets me, sometimes. Sometimes I just want to panic and run around, but I can't. 'Cause I'm Percy.**

_I understand this. But I see a quality I'd like to warn you against. You really can get hungry for money when you get tired of it. And I think you'd go against everything you love, possibly hurting everyone you love, to get power and money. So—don't do it. _

**I'd never go against my family! I love them.**

_..Right. So. Part of you make me want to put you in Slytherin, because you want power..you aren't a Hufflepuff, that's for sure, but you're only something shy of a genius. You'd fit right into Ravenclaw. And you're brave enough for Gryffindor, and loyal, as you really do seem to love your family._

**How does that make me loyal? Everyone loves their families.**

_ It's just you really love them. I think, even if you ever went against your family, your loyalty would take you back._

**Why, thank you.**

_ Slytherin would bring you power. Ravenclaw would bring you achievement. And...yes, I think Gryffindor would bring you happiness._

"GRYFFINDOR!"


	23. Regulus Black

Regulus Black

"Black, Regulus!"

The Hat saw Sirius shoot Regulus an encouraging grin from the Gryffindor table. Poor Regulus looked as if he was heading off to the gallows, or perhaps the guillotines.

**Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, **_**no..**_

___What is the matter?_

**I don't know where to go! Mum was **_**so **_**angry at Sirius when he got into Gryffindor and she sent him so many Howlers and I don't **_**want **_**Howlers. I like Mum. Sirius never liked her, but I do. I don't want her to hate me. But then, Sirius really wants me to be in Gryffindor. He told me it was the greatest; it was so much fun; everyone was nice and the Common Room was so cozy, not like the dungeons Bellatrix told me about, and I really **_**love **_**Sirius, and I don't want to disappoint him!**

_If you try to please everyone, you'll disappoint yourself._

**But then I have to choose between my family and my brother.**

_Has Black rivalry really gotten that bad? I do remember the Howler your mother sent little Sirius his first day..I could hear bits of it from Dumbledore's office!_

**She was **_**furious **_**when Narcissa sent her the letter. She opened that letter and screamed into it at the top of her lungs for about half an hour...**

_So..where do _you _want to be? Answer honestly._

_**I DON'T KNOW!**_

___Calm down, boy._

_ **I DON'T WANT TO CALM DOWN!**_

_Well then I'll have no choice but to put you in Hufflepuff..._

**NO! NO! I mean, no, mister. And anyways, aren't **_**you **_**supposed to be the one who decides to put me where?**

_Hmm, you're right, aren't you. Well..let's see. You are an overachiever. You want to please everyone, and you don't care much about pleasing yourself. You are just and kind, and you know, all prejudices aside, I _do _think it would be a good idea to put you in Hufflepuff..you have most of the qualities._

**No. Please. Please. PLEASE no! Mum would MURDER me.**

_All right. Let's see, what else is there..Ravenclaw? No, you're not that smart._

**H-e-y-y-y...**

_It's true. Gryffindor..you aren't really fit for it. You aren't brave. _

**So..Slytherin?**

_All factors considered, I do think it would be the best way..and your mother'd be pleased._

**But..but what about Sirius? He'll be so sad...**

_Once again, we can't please everyone. And you're shrewd and cunning..in a way..who am I kidding? You're a Hufflepuff through and through._

**No, no, no, no, **_**please **_**no. I can't.**

_Let's see, then. You are..somewhat..shrewd..but you're not a Slytherin!_

** I won't be in Hufflepuff—I won't!**

_All right, then. You are quite decided again Muggle-borns and such. I suppose, in a way, that equals to_

** "SLYTHERIN!"**

** A/N: Poor Regulus. I never really saw him as much of a Slytherin..**

** Can I ask a very simple question? It is completely irrelevant, but I have been reading A LOT of fan fiction in which Sirius is in a relationship/best friends with Marlene McKinnon. The woman was mentioned TWICE in the entire series. So, can anyone explain to me where this theory stemmed from??? I am very confuzzled!**

** Sorry for the short-ish chapter and the long wait. Tests..tests..tests.**


	24. Rosie Weasley

**I would like to thank every AWESOME person who has reviewed this story I've written, all 28 and a half pages of it, and given me ONE HUNDRED REVIEWS!**

** ONE HUNDRED REVIEWS!  
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! **

** I am SO happy! So happy I decided to put up a chapter for a person close to everyone has asked for. Sorry if you don't like next gen. The thing about this story is that I started writing in Hermione's voice. Well, Rose is her daughter.**

** Super special thanks to Spicysweetchica101 for my hundredth review!!!**

Rose Weasley

"Weasley, Rose!"

_No. No. NO. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!_

**Hello, Hat!**

_I HATE MOLLY WEASLEY!  
_**..Why do you hate Grandma Molly?**

_BECAUSE SHE KEEPS HAVING WEA—wait, Grandma?_

**Um, yeah. She's Dad's mum...**

_Whoa..time has passed..whose daughter are you?_

**Uh, Ronald Weasley.**

_Really? Who's your mum?_

**Hermione Weasley.**

_..Her maiden name _wouldn't _be Granger?  
_**I...yup, Hermione Granger.**

_I KNEW THEY WERE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER! HAHAA! THEY GOT MARRIED! I WAS RIGHT WHEN I TOLD RONALD WEASLEY HE AND HERMIONE WERE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER! HAHAHAHAAHAHA! THEY GOT MARRIED! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I KNEW THEY WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER! I WAS _RIGHT!

**..Mum says everyone on the face of the earth claims they were made for each other but they kept denying it, so you're not the first one I've met with that reaction. You're not the worst, either. Mr. Flinch-Fletchey went on about it for three days. It was kinda hilarious.**

_Ahh, I was right. Haha. I am so happy..right. Sorting you. I hate Sorting Weasleys..you all have multiple personality disorder, I think._

**Excuse ME.**

_Well, you do.._

**Oh, we do NOT.**

_SO, where do you want to go?_

**I'm allowed to **_**choose?**_

_Not exactly, I just like to have a couple opinions._

**Well, Gryffindor sounds quite nice, because—**

_You think just like your mother._

**Do I?**

_Yes. You think in numbers and have a passion for Arithmancy. And, as stubborn as Weasleys can be—_

**We are not stubborn!**

_ You just proved my point. Anyways, I do have tell you that you aren't very brave._

**Awh, darn it.**

_You don't sound so terribly depressed about it._

**Well, in truth, Gryffindor does sound a bit boring. Not **_**boring **_**exactly, but, well, pretty much everyone in my family was in Gryffindor. I've always wanted to be a bit Different, you know. Do something that would set me apart, you know.**

_You sound _exactly _like your mother. It's almost frightening. Well, Ms. Granger wouldn't let me put her in Ravenclaw, but will you? You'd do quite well._

**Well..it does sound quite inviting.**

_You sound very much like your mother..more Granger blood in you than Weasley, thank goodness!_

_ "_RAVENCLAW!_"_


	25. Albus Severus

Albus Severus Potter

"Potter, Albus Severus!"

A murmur swept through the Hall. "_Severus?_" "_What kind of a name is _that?" The boy in question went deep red and hurried towards the stool, stumbling slightly over his ankles, scouring the hall with his eyes. He saw his brother James at the Gryffindor table, waving an encouraging hand.._he wouldn't be in Slytherin.._

He reached the stool and jammed the Hat on his head.

_Another Potter?_

**Erm, yeah.**

_Albus _Severus _Potter..not Harry Potter's son?_

**Erm, yeah.**

_Cat got your tongue? Er, mind?_

**Erm, no..I **_**won't **_**be in Slytherin! I won't I won't I **_**wont!**_

_Oh really?_

**Whadya mean by that? You mean I **_**will **_**be in Slytherin? I **_**won't! I WON'T!**_

___Calm DOWN. I was about to put your father there..but no, Harry Potter went in Gryffindor in the end.._

**I wanna be there too!**

_Do you really..._

**I—WON'T—BE—IN—SLYTHERIN!**

_CALM DOWN! For heaven's sake, you seem to have achieved Weasley levels of stubborness!_

**I'm related to the Weasleys..Uncle Ron..Aunt Hermione..Mum was a Weasley..**

_I still can't believe the two of them got together! The irony of that..alas, we are not here, I suppose, to discuss your aunt and uncle's love lives. Although it is _exceedingly _hilarious. Now then...you have the making of a good Slytherin..cunning..sly..it'd give you power, you know..you'd do well in Slytherin._

**I WOULD NOT! I WOULD NOT! NO NO NO NO NO **_**NO! PLEASE!**_

___Calm DOWN. Wait a moment, did you say your mum was a Weasley? Not Ginny?_

**Yes, her.**

_Well, just as Miss Ginny had qualities of Hufflepuff but was not suited for it, you are not Slytherin-ish enough. _

_**YESSSSSSSSS!**_

___Hufflepuff..it wouldn't really work for you, would it? No, not at all..can't quite explain why..and Ravenclaw wouldn't work either, you're not smart enough..no offense..but Gryffindor..mm, yes, Gryffindor.._

**Do you mean..**

_I do..you're brave, loyal, daring, reckless— not all, of course, Gryffindors are reckless, but most of them.._

**How am I reckless and daring?**

_You aren't, are you? But you are, a bit, in a little hidden away niche in your __mind..yes, Gryffindor really would suit you.._

"GRYFFINDOR!"

**A/N: Not my best, but fun to write. :) More soon..hopefully..as my computer is finally free of this pesky virus and the school year is winding down. Seven more weeks left and them summer vacation! Meh...raise your hand if you hate math.. *raises hand* I've decided to leave all A/Ns for the end from now on, so you can just skip 'em and ****go straight for the reviews****, ahem, I mean, you know, go back. :)**

** I've also realized this story may be giving off a few..false impressions of me. To clear things up: I do NOT think James is stuck up, well, I do, but he is still my absolute (fourth) favorite character. I do not actually feel sorry for Percy, either, I kinda hate him with a passion..in my portrayal of him I just wanted to show another side of the dude. :)**


	26. Lucius Malfoy

Lucius Malfoy

"Malfoy, Lucius!"

A tall boy with long golden hair pretty much _strutted _up and slid the Sorting Hat over his head. Immediately the Hat loathed him.

_I don't like you._

**When my **_**father **_**hears about this..**

_Hears about..what?_

**The rudeness of the Hats at Hogwarts. I was all set for Durmstrang, you know..but Mum said I'd catch cold..**

_Um..all right then. Anyhow..Sorting you..do you know, in all my days I've never met such a pompous little brat as you are.._

**EXCUSE ME!**

_Well, you _are _a pompous little brat. Always going on about Your Father..and you're extremely conceited, you appear to think you're the boss of the world.._

**WHEN MY FATHER HEARS ABOUT THIS!  
**_You strange, strange child..you are spoiled as well.._

**Did I put you on my head plainly so you could insult me?  
**_Sorry, I'm just thinking over what kind of a person you are..now, despite your bratty-ness and how very spoiled you are.._

_**I AM NOT A SPOILED BRAT!**_

___Keep telling yourself that, darling. __Anyhow..you're very cunning and sly, always able to trick people into getting your way..very conceited as well – don't say a word! – and you think that anyone who is in any relation to a non magical person is well below you...you have many traits of Slytherin.._

**That's where I **_**will **_**go. To Slytherin. Or else my father will hear about it!  
**_Shut up about your father! Anyhow, you also have traits of Ravenclaw. You are extremely clever, (as much as it pains me to admit it) and very smart, as well..yes, yes you'd do _well _in Ravenclaw._

**No. No no no no no no no no. I BELONG IN SLYTHERIN.**

_ Hush. Gryffindor is also a possibility..you aren't chivalrous, but yes, you are brave..somewhat..but no, you're not loyal..you'll turn your back on a friend the moment danger is hinted..you're too disloyal for Hufflepuff as well..but you'd fit in quite well in Ravenclaw, truth be told._

**But I wanna go in**_** Slytherin.**_

_I'm terribly tempted just to put you into Ravenclaw to defy you, but I can't, I'm not allowed. Unfortunately. Yes, you are more Slytheriny than Ravenclawy._

"SLYTHERIN!"

**A/N: Kay, a few things..first of all, this chapter is for ****Air-Knitter. **** :D She asked so nicely that I couldn't resist.**

** Second of all, sorry for not posting earlier! I have been unbelievably busy. ****Finals are coming up :(. Math finals, at that. So, the next chapter might not be up for a while.**

** Third of all, sorry this chapter was kinda dumb. I'm hoping it reads as funny, but if it doesn't, tell me. :)**

** Fourth of all, the underlined quote is from Pirates of the Caribbean :D. Love that.**

** Fifth of all, I fully wrote Lucius Malfoy exactly like Draco, as I couldn't make fun of Draco because the silly old Hat decided that his hair was too Slytheriny. Hope no one minds :D.**

** Sixth of all, in sixteen and a half days I will be able to embrace the preciousness that is summer vacation and updates will be much more regularly, hopefully.**

** Seventh of all, this author's note is wayyyyyy too long and my laptop is dying, so I better post, huh? Review and have a great day!**


	27. Rubeus Hagrid

Rubeus Hagrid

"Hagrid, Rubeus!"

A boy, an absolutely gigantic _huge _boy, made his way clumsily to the Sorting stool.

**H-hello.**

_Hello there. You sound worried._

**I—I am. I wanna be somewhere good, see..I don't wanna let me dad down..**

_And your dad was..?_

**Mis'er Thomas Hagrid. He was in Hufflepuff. Was dead chuffed when I found I got into Hogwarts. Reckoned I might not be magic..cuz my mum..but I don't talk about her.**

_People generally don't discuss their giantess mothers in public, yes._

**True – wait, how'd you know?**

_I can read people minds._

**No! Hon'sly?**

_Well, how in the world do you think I'm having a discussion with you? You're not saying a word._

**I'm – whoa! A talking, mind reading hat!**

_Nothing gets past you, does it?_

**It ain't nice to make fun.**

_I'm sorry. _And the Sorting Hat was not being sarcastic, no, he was truly sorry. Something in the boy's voice made him feel bad about himself – a rare thing, since it hardly had brains. But the boy's – Rubeus's – voice had sounded genuinely hurt, genuinely injured as well as indignant. Adjectives like self-conscious, sensitive, and even loyal ran through his brain. But only one word was the truth about him..

_Good._

**What's that?**

It wasn't just the "I'm sorry." As the Sorting Hat ignored the "what's that" and really truly _listened _to Hagrid, seeped into his deepest, darkest, most precious secrets, sank into what he _truly _thought, what he really felt, below the thick shell he kept up – all Rubeus was, was _good._

_ There's only one thing to describe you, m'boy..you are good. You're nothing but good. You can either be in Gryffindor of Hufflepuff..but no, you're too brave for Hufflepuff. You're a Gryffindor. A Gryffindor I haven't seen the likes of since Albus Dumbledore. Through and through._

**M'dad'll be..so..so proud!**

_Don't cry, there._

**I'm so happy.**

_Good. Gryffindor it is, then._

"GRYFFINDOR!"

**I love Hagrid :D Hope I didn't make anyone toooo OOC, but this is honestly what I think of Hagrid..that he's really awesome...and things..**

** Anyways. Yeah. MATH FINALS ARE OVER!  And I passed the stupid things too! Updating shall get a lot more regular. I have an awesome idea for Lily (Harry's daughter.) She should be next, unless I get struck by a miraculous idea. I also wrote a companion piece for the Lily thing that remains a work-in-progress for now, but if you guys want, I'll work like mad and add that up too.**

** Review please :D**

** Also, this is completely random but just a fun bit of trivia, if you can call it that: this story was originally "What the Sorting Hat Said to Tom" and it was just the first chapter of this story, but I loved the idea and ran off with it, and this is the result..a thirty two page story that has been carrying on for six months and seventeen days! :D I refuse to say I'm not proud of this..I am. :D**


	28. Ron Weasley

Ronald Weasley

"Weasley, Ronald!"

A positively green red headed boy climbed shakily up and jammed the Hat firmly on his head. The Hat groaned.

_ANOTHER Weasley?_

**Oh..oh my goodness..yes..hello..**_**please **_**don't put me in Slytherin, **_**please, please, please, please, please – **_

The Hat was going to tell the boy exactly how annoying all Weasleys were, but then he saw something that he couldn't resist telling the boy about.._You're a very lucky boy._

**Er, how in the slightest way am I lucky? I have five brothers and they're all older than me and all my things are second hand and they did everything first and I'm poor as a sheep – **

_What is it with Weasley and the expression 'poor as a sheep'? Your brother Percy used it too._

**And Percy's a Prefect and he'll probably be made Head Boy too and then **_**everything**_**'ll be done first and then they'll be nothing left for **_**me **_**to do..**_**how **_**am I lucky? And **_**where **_**did that all come from..**

_Deep inside you._

**You annoy me a bit, you know.**

_It isn't wise to insult the Hat that will decide your future, you know._

**Oh yeah. Sorry. PLEASE don't put me in Slytherin! Also, why am I lucky?**

_ Oh, that. Because you've already found your one true love._

**..**

..

**..**

.. 

** ..WHAT?**

_The question should be, who._

**WHO..?**

_A young Hermione Granger.._

**WHAT? I met her on the train and I HATE her! Ugh! No! I do NOT love Hermione Granger! UGH! NO! UGH!**

_Not now you don't, but you will.._

**UGH! I'M ELEVEN!  
**_You won't always be..in any case, sorting you. You have nothing on you for Slytherin, nothing at all. _

**Oh thank goodness..**

_You aren't at all clever enough for Ravenclaw. And you're very unfair in some aspects –_

**Hey!**

_You are. You get angry at people for miniscule things and might seek revenge in __unfair ways. Classic Weasley, I suppose. But..you are brave. Extremely brave. You would give your life for a friend. That can only equal to.._

"GRYFFINDOR!"

**Next up: Lily and the reactions.**


	29. Lily Luna Potter

Lily Luna Potter

"Potter, Lily Luna!"

_Well, well, well. What do we have here?_

**Lily Luna Potter. I'm eleven years old. **

_ Yes, I can tell..no, I'm just thinking..that you're very, very unlike anyone else in your family._

**How? What? Where? WHY?**

_Your mother Ginny Weasley?_

**You mean Ginny Potter.**

_No, I mean Weasley. You're, technically, a Weasley. And I have never met anyone less Weasley-ish in my life, in truth._

** WHAT?**

_Y – e – s.__Most Weasleys are unmistakably loyal, willing to give their lives for a friend. Now, not to say you're not a very good friend, probably, but when given a situation, you'd probably save your own neck above your friend's._

**W-wouldn't anyone?**

_Nope. And you're not very Gryffindorish at all, either. You're not brave, or daring, at all. And you would prefer to save your life above others. Nor are you very smart..so you're not a Ravenclaw, either. However, you are cunning and clever, and you would like power. Not to say you are necessarily_ bad, _because it's not at all bad to want to be a bit powerful. And you are the clever kind of girl who knows how to control herself. So yes, I think you could be..a Slytherin. _

** NO!**

_ I normally do take your choice into account, but you see, there is not a single shard of Gryffindor-ness in your blood. I'm sorry, you are a Slytherin through and through. A good Slytherin, yes. But a Slytherin._

**..You're going to put me in Slytherin..**

_I'm afraid so._

**NO!**

_Yes._

**No.**

_ Yes._

** No. **

_Yes._

_**NO!**_

___YES!_

**..Yes?**

_Yes._

"SLYTHERIN!"

**OOO! Faked you out there!**

** Next up, the reaction!**


	30. To Be A Slytherin

_ "Slytherin!" _screamed that Hat.

There was dead silence in the Hall for about five minutes, and then –

Lily Luna Potter's mouth fell open. "WHAT_?_"

Professor McGonagall motioned for her to come down from the stool. However, Lily did not move. "No, no, _no,_" she moaned. "_No, no, NO!_"

Professor McGonagall herself reached a hand towards Lily, but she wrenched away. "I – WILL – _NOT – _BE IN SLYTHERIN!" she screamed.

"The Hat's decision are final, Miss Potter," said McGonagall crisply, thinking how strange it was to say _Miss _Potter after three generations of _Mister _Potters. "Now if you will join the Slytherin table please."

Lily finally slid off the stool and made her way to the Slytherin table, wiping tears out of her eyes.

The next morning, after a long, cold night in the cold dungeons, Lily trudged downstairs, not knowing what was in store for her, whether her Dad would be angry and send a letter, or, worse, angry and _not _send a letter. Or if he even knew.

No, he definitely knew. All the parents got letters home about what House their child was in. Aunt Andromeda told her that.

Lily remembered something else Aunt Andromeda, as Teddy's guardian was referred to by the Potters, (that or some abbreviation of 'Andromeda') had told her. That when Uncle Sirius had gone to Hogwarts and gotten Sorted into Gryffindor, the very first thing his mother did was send him a Howler. Lily'd always enjoyed stories about her grandad and his friends, particularly Sirius, who, naturally, Aunt Meda knew the most about, but right now, all she could think of was how his family had flat out rejected him after he'd been Sorted into a different house than Slytherin.

_All _the Potters, except Great-Great Uncle Boris, had been in Gryffindor.

Just like _all _the Blacks, except Aunt Andromeda, had been in Slytherin until Uncle Sirius had been Sorted.

Was it _possible, _even _possible _that Lily should expect the same behavior?

Yes, she thought sadly. Slytherin is the Bad House. Of _course _I should expect the same behavior. If we had a Black Family Tree, I'd be blasted off it right now. I wonder if Dad has a Potter Family Tree.

Tears came to her eyes once more as she slid into a chair all alone at the Slytherin table. _I will not like it here _was what she'd decided when she'd finally stepped off the stool last night. She'd have a horrible, miserable time in Hogwarts until someone looked at her and said, You're having a horrible, miserable time so let me transfer you to Gryffindor. And if no one did that (which, admittedly, Lily knew they wouldn't) well, then, she'd carry on being miserable until she left Hogwarts. It was a bit of a shame, really, since everyone else loved it so much. But then, everyone else had been in Gryffindor. Only cousin Rose hadn't, she'd gone into Ravenclaw, and that was all right, because Ravenclaw wasn't Bad like Slytherin was.

She looked around miserably at the rest of the Hall. There were her brothers. Thirteen year old brother Albus, sitting at the Gryffindor table, eating pancakes and talking, to Lily's momentary interest, to Tamara Wilson, someone he spoke rather a lot of at home. A few seats down was her other brother, fourteen year old James, chatting animatedly to his friends. After a moment he leaned over and said something to Albus, who went dark red and scowled at James as Tamara began to laugh.

Lily wished and wished and wished she could be there, near her brothers – not sitting _with _Albus and James, of course, because they made it quite clear that third and fourth year boys did not fraternize with first year girls in the Great Hall at breakfast unless said first year girl was choking, had been poisoned, was dying, and/or was being tormented by a Slytherin, in which case they would gladly and heroically perform rescue maneuvers and/or hex said Slytherin 'harder than Grampa James could ever dream of doing to Al's namesake, no, not that one, the other one, because _no one _messes around with our sister.'

_But I _am _a Slytherin now! _Lily thought miserably. I'm _the one who'd be tormenting _me_!_

Her eyes drifted down the Gryffindor table to Hugo. He was Sorted too, of course, last night, but he had been Honorable and been put in Gryffindor. He was chewing something, and talking at the same time to another first year boy. Lily stared longingly, knowing that she'd be sitting there too if she'd only been put in Gryffindor..

Her eyes remained on the Gryffindor table for a few moments. She wished and wished that one of her brothers or her cousin would catch her eye and smile or nod or even scowl, anything would be better than the silence they were giving her..

After a few moments she switched her gaze to the Ravenclaw table. There was cousin Rose, talking cheerfully with some friends. Her eyes occasionally drifted across the hall and glared at Scorpious Malfoy, sitting only a few feet away from Lily. True to her father, Rose and Scorpious had struck up a heated rivalry from the moment they'd both stepped into Hogwarts. To Uncle Ron's absolute and utter relief, (and several fanfiction writers' severe disappointment) (you _know _I had to) she did retain _any _romantic feelings whatso_ever _to him.

There was a great _swooooooosh _and owls began raining into the hall. Lily's stomach buckled. She glued her eyes once more on the Gryffindor table.

Hugo got a letter..

Albus got a letter..

James got a letter..

There was a slight _fwump _and Lily realized she too had gotten a letter.

_Thank God it's not a Howler, _she thought wildly. For a few moments, she simply stared at the blue envelope. Finally, she collected her nerves and tore it open.

_Dear Lily, _the letter went.

_I heard what House you were put in._

_ Well. I can't really say I'm not disappointed. Slytherin has a long reputation of horrible people. Albeit Severus Snape, one of the greatest wizards of all kind, being in it, other rather ungreat wizards – Lord Voldemort amongst others – was also in this house._

_ I end this letter with a quote told to me by _the _greatest sorcerer of all times – who was, in fact, a Gryffindor. "It is our choices, over our actions, who makes us who we are." (Albus Dumbledore.)_

_ And as we all know, the Hat gives us a choice._

_ -your father_

Lily took a deep, unsteady breath.

She couldn't believe it. She just _couldn't _believe it..

He hated her. He hated her._ He hated her._

_ Her father hated her._

Lily grabbed her books and the schedule that had been set in front of her and ran out of the Hall before anyone could see her begin to sob.

She didn't get far.

"C'mon, Al, I'll walk with you to History of Magic," said James briskly, standing up.

Albus looked at James suspiciously. His brother _never _volunteered to take him _anywhere. _It just Wasn't Done within the halls of Hogwarts. True, James's Divination class was just a staircase away from his History of Magic, but still.

James read Albus's thoughts. He leaned towards his younger brother and said in a low voice, "Lily was a right state last night and I just saw her run away crying. We've got to find her.. I hope Dad didn't get too mad. _I _for one don't care a drop about what did house she's in.."

"Definitely," agreed Albus, somewhat relieved that James wasn't going to be leading him into some prank or the other. "Er – see you around," he bade his friends. They returned his goodbyes.

"See you in a bit," said James to his friends. He gathered his books and a suspicious looking bag that Albus decided best not to ask the contents of.

They left the Hall and set off down the corridor.

"Y'know, we have no idea where she is," pointed out Albus after a moment.

"No problem," said James, beaming slightly, to Albus's slight confusion. "Little bro, I have been waiting years for a real legitimate chance to use this..I nicked it out of Dad's desk once when he wasn't looking."

He pulled out a seemingly blank piece of parchment of the bag.

"Er – what?" said Albus, completely bewildered.

"My sentiments exactly when I first found this little beauty," beamed James. "See, I _knew _Dad wouldn't just keep a spare piece of parchment so carefully folded up. He uses paper. And so, I did a bit of a snooping, interrogated – ah, talked to Uncle Ron and Uncle George, and finally, I have discovered all of this map's secrets."

He tapped it with his long, thin wand and proudly recited, "_I solemnly swear I am up to no good._"

Albus stared in wonder as the words:

_Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs present.._

spindled across the page.

"Whoa," he uttered as more words announcing the Marauders' Map appeared. "_Whoa._._" _he said, in a voice of complete and utter shock, as the entire school of Hogwarts unfolded before his eyes.

"Dya..did you..how.._who?_" Albus finally stammered out.

"I nicked it, yes, I knew, I don't know how, and Moony is Teddy's dad – his real name was Remus Lupin. Wormtail was the traitor dude Dad told us about once – Peter Pettigrew. Padfoot was Uncle Sirius, and Prongs was actually Grandpa James!"

"Oh yeah," said Albus, recalling some old memories, "Aunt Meda told us..they were best friends, right?"

"Obviously," said James.

"Does Teddy know about this?"

"I've no idea. But anyways. See, this map shows where everyone in Hogwarts and the grounds is. I rather doubt Lily's gotten to class. One doesn't generally run into class sobbing because she was put into Slytherin and her Dad wrote her who knows what...all right, look for her."

After a few moments, Al spotted the label _Lily Luna Potter._

"There..she's on the third stairwell..see her?"

James followed his brother's finger. "Oh, I see her. And there are..we.."

The two brothers slowly looked at each other, then spun around at the noise of a soft sniffle and a short giggle.

"Took you two long enough.."

"_Lily!" _the two brothers cried in unison. Abandoning all pretense, Albus went over and hugged his little sister.

James had a bit too much shame to perform such an act, but when he saw the tears on his sister's face, he did go over and pat her red braids.

"That's a neat map," said Lily after a moment. "How come I was never told about it?"

"Never came up," said James dismissively. "Lil..why were you crying?"

Promptly she began to cry again. "D-d-d-d-dad hates me," she sobbed. "He _hates _me, James, he hates me and he'll never love me. I went in the bad house! He sent me a letter and he said he _hates _me!"

Anger suddenly bubbled through James. Apparently the feeling was mutual with Albus. His fists closed.

"Do you have the letter?" asked Albus, teeth clenched as he spoke. James didn't blame him..hadn't Dad told him that he'd love him no matter what house he was in?

Still weeping, Lily nodded. She retrieved a small of folded paper ("See, he uses paper," James muttered in Albus's ear) and passed it to her brothers.

For a few moments, the two boys pored over the letter. Finally, Albus looked up, mouthing wildly to himself, no words bothering to escape.

James had a different reaction. He looked up, swore, and declared, "WAIT till Mum finds out."

"Do you hate me too?" wept Lily.

James and Albus exchanged glances. "_No,_" they said simultaneously. "Lily.." James began, but Albus cut him off.

"I'm sorry, and I honestly don't want to disrespect Dad at all, but HE is a PRAT."

James silently applauded as a fire ignited in Al's normally calm green eyes. Apparently, however, the younger boy wasn't finished. He began to speak very quickly.

"Dad-has-absolutely-no-right-whatsoever-to-get-mad-at-you-for-being-a-Slytherin-he-told-me-Slytherin-was-a-noble-house-he-was-almost-in-Slytherin-you-know-how-_dare_-he-it-doesn't-bloody-matter-what-house-you-were-in-or-weren't-in-you're-still-our-sister-and-you're-still-Dad's-daughter-WAITTILLIWRITEMUM!"

James applauded again, not so silently this time. The bell rang. All three of them were officially late.

Lily wiped a stray tear from her eyes. "Thanks," she said quietly. "_Will _you write Mum?"

"As soon as I get break," promised Al. "What class do you have now?"

"Transfiguration with..the Gryffindors," replied Lily.

"Great," said James eagerly. "You can drive McGonagall crazy!"

"I don't plan to," said Lily in the dry voice that Aunt Meda swore she inherited from Uncle Remus, who cared if he wasn't related to her? "She'll already kill me for being late."

"That's just across the hall from History of Magic and a staircase away from Divination," said Al briskly. "McGonagall won't kill you, it's the first day and I think, seeing as you're the first Potter in Slytherin for fifty generations, she'll work out what's going on. I'll come with you."

"Remember, though," warned James, rising to his feet, "this is the last time I will permit myself to be seen with a first year." He half winked.

"And a Slytherin," muttered Lily. James caught her arm as she stood up.

"No," he said firmly. "As soon as you get a bit older and maybe do something brilliant like get on the Quidditch team, I will admit that I'm related to you." He winked.

"C'mon, James, Professor Trelawney will probably predict your death if you're late, and make it come true," said Al firmly.

As the three sibling stood up, Lily had one more query.

"Do you still love me?"

The brother looked at each other.

"Of _course,_" said James dismissively.

And later that evening, Ginny Weasley would receive a letter and Harry Potter would get yelled at it like he'd never been yelled at before. Harry Potter would come to his senses, of course, and send Lily a letter of thorough apology, that Slytherins, of course, weren't all bad. But even if he hadn't, to Lily, it wouldn't matter. Because her brothers understood her. They still loved her. And that was all that mattered.

**THE END**

** ..Yes, the 'the end' was what you think it is.**

** I can't believe I'm writing this, but I think it's necessary.**

**I am ending 'What the Sorting Hat Said.'**

**Oh come on, just go with me here. I've been working on it for six months and twenty six days. I had an absolutely FABULOUS time writing it, even the chapters that I kinda hated (THE TONKS ONE) and I'll definitely miss writing it but.. But I kind of have to, you know? I've Sorted everyone I wanted to. There's pretty much no one left. And I think my writing is just about diminishing. Also, I have some more projects I wanna spend some time on! I LOVED writing this story, and every time I got a review, I was so happy! Seriously (Siriusly?), you guys? Over a hundred reviews! Special thanks to ****DecepticonDefenestrater** **and awesomerthanuhp, both of you who gave me real honest advice and sometimes concrit, and always had something good to say! Also to Siveler, who always had something nice for me, and for ValFish, my very first reviewer, and for all you other WONDERFUL reviewers. I read every one of your reviews and they made my day. :) So, this is it. Goodbye, goodbye! Look out for my other stuff.**

** Goodbye!**

** ~Bittersweetx**


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